Just for now...

You can be the sunshine in my hair,

You can be the faint scent of roses in the air.

So sweet, so just, so fair,

How could I say no to love and care.

Don't  know where this will go to...

But for now,

I'm just gonna be with you...

For as long as I can be,

For as long as you shall be.

Till forever can try and last,

Till the last sane memory.

Don't know what this will be...

But for now,

Could you just be with me...

Pages from a life ( short story)

Day-1:


1 July 2012


It was a sultry evening and Ananya Basu was walking back home. Yes, the roads were the same as they had always been... Dusty, split up by a divider which she had walked all over and crossed a zillion times.. the same single, lonely mynah sitting desolately on the corner railing... Mr. Shastri in his trademark black shorts and white tee, walking in the silent, faithful company of his dear old dog ; punctually, like every other evening... The same vegetable vendors in the far end of the road with their little fans trying to fend off the flies... And the same little flies humming away on their precious fruits and vegetables, unmindful.... With a strange peace coming over her senses by this strange feeling of being within the realms of a comfortably known world, Ananya crossed one half of the road and stood on the divider, waiting for the traffic to clear up enough for her to cross to the other end. Just as she had done so, screeeeccchhhhh..... All heads turned back. Suddenly a motor cycle's handle was tossed right at her foot. One mirror scratched and broken, the other, which bore the brunt of the fall, painfully twisted away like the trunk of the faraway magic tree, with white sparks eerily spilling out from underneath.. Only, this wasn't magic. Black magic, maybe... But, not the happier version of it, which makes little kids clap away with curiosity and excitement. As though in slow motion, Ananya turned to a scene out of a Hollywood thriller. A broken and battered beast of a bike, lying lifelessly on the edge of the road and an equally immobile man bleeding and bruised - bathed in the blood that symbolized his life, yet so devoid of it... A moment's hesitation and then a swarm of people circled in. Some wanting to help, most others plain curious.


All of a sudden, Ananya found herself being pushed off the divider, and being replaced by the aforementioned crowd. She wanted to stop them. Tell them- Hey! I am a doctor. I can help. But people were already lifting the man, calling for help and clearing the road of the rubble. That, added to the fact that they were just a minute away from the hospital where she worked, made her stop. He was in good hands. And she knew from experience, that in an emergency, the lesser people controlling the matters, the better the management. They don't say- Too many cooks, spoil the broth- for nothing!


Closing up her heart and sealing up her emotions, like she had done a million times before, the young doctor adjusted her spectacles back on her nose, turned and walked away. This was like everyday. 


Death, Life , Disease.... Living and working in the hospital brings one closer to these realities of life that are often forgotten in the camouflage of dreams and the complex relief of happiness and everyday living. You always believe that you have seen it all. But, there always come along something once in a while, that blows you apart, boggles your mind, takes your breath away and makes you thank God every single minute for everything that He has blessed you with. Faith, stems out of realization that you have been taken care of at some point and will thus, be potentially taken care of at some later point of time. And so, faith flourishes in the compounds of hospitals abundantly. 


...............................................................................................................................................................




Day-2 : 


4 July 2012


"You are going to be absolutely fine, Mr. Rao. Your operation was successful and you are recouping pretty well. You should be back home in no time, sir."


Ananya saw the old, grey and pantalooned 75 year old Mr. Rao beem back toothlessly at her from his hospital bed. Same kind eyes, same half balding head.. He looked so familiar to her dear old Uncle Roy, who has lost his battle against Prostate cancer last year. She had been very fond of her paternal uncle and his death had been a blow, she had not accepted so far. Forget denial and anger, she was still in disbelief with acceptance , hence, being eons away. 


Glancing one last time at his electrocardiograph, oscillating away on the screen within normal limits and the thankfully stable vital values flashing on the screen, Ananya gave the old man an engaging smile and moved to check on the next patient under her care. She had just picked up the other man's file when there was a sudden rush of activity. Sister calling out for help and she suddenly found herself,back in the cubicle which she had just left with Mr. Rao in front of her. Only this time... he was looking heavenwards and gasping for life. 


Her mind, her hands and her feet, fell back into the motions of familiar protocols. Her mind steam-rolling its way through the pages of textbooks on emergency care which she had read, revised and re-revised so many times before. But her heart was up somewhere, watching surreally, as the painfully familiar man shuddered back unresponsively to the 360 joules direct shock.


"Stand back, compressions are on me. Brother, you are doing the breaths. Grab the mask and bag."


In under a minute, Ananya had climbed up on the edge of the bed and was pushing hard and fast into the chest of the dying man. Cycles began and culminated, flowing into other cycles and flow-charts of management.... It seemed like a foolish battle against fate. But, Ananya didn't have the heart to give up. Her heart was still up there, watching. Miraculously, there was some activity on the screen. A pulse... A heartbeat. Stepping back, Ananya stood there watching the man she had just brought back from the jaws of death. He was breathing on his own now and there was life in his heart. He should be fine. 


"How long did we resuscitate, brother?"


"55 minutes."


Chills sprinted down her spine......Not Good.


A few days later, her worse fears were confirmed. 


It was the same hospital bed, the same black file, the same reassuring vitals and dynamically oscillating electrocardiograph on the screen But, the man in front of her would never smile back at her. He would never get up and walk. Never talk. Never read a newspaper or watch his favourite shows on the tele with the remote secured under his paw. This man was vegetative. His brain had sustained hypoxic damage and so, he was dead-but-not-dead, forever.


Expressionlessly , Ananya filled in his discharge papers, signed them and watched his determined, fighter of a wife, learn the tricks of tube feeding and basic nursing care from a couple of helping nurses. 


Life.... sometimes, it is that what happens when you least expect it to happen. It is that which shakes you back to reality when you are miles away, immersed in an exotic pool of dreams and plans. 


...............................................................................................................................................................




Day-3 :  


13 July 2012


Today was a beautiful day. Ananya has lost no patient.. She had called up her mother as promised and talked to her over lunch. Her close friend, Arnab, had called and professed his love for her. He had proposed to marry her one day soon, if that was alright with her. And she had happily agreed. Love blooming out from the sweet confines of an old friendship.... Well, that has a charm to it. He was to meet her today. 7pm.... At their favourite restaurant. The evening sun, a golden luscious apple hanging through the ceiling of the colorful evening sky , was soothing to her senses. The air had suddenly become cooler, lovelier, fragrant.. The skies were shadowed, but she could swear there were flashes of heavenly light in them...
Lights from God.


Standing on the familiar divider, like the zillion times before, she looked both ways and started to walk, waving to Mr.Shastri and his dog as she did so. 


Just about then, somebody screemed.


Horns blared.


Ananya swirled around and she saw it for real now..... Lights from God.


People looked on with horror as the unexplained truck torpedoed unchecked down the street with a man in pain behind the wheels and a lady in peace crushed underneath.


Death.... sometimes, it is that what happens when you least expect it to happen.

De ja vu..

A Silent today- slowly fixed,

The pieces of an irrepairable yesterday..

Like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle,

Suddenly, you've fallen in place...

Maybe I understand you better now,

And the things that you had to do...

I fell and you kept walking,

De ja vu... De ja vu...

Today I wear your shoes,

And stand where someday you did too...

Some parts I comprehend much better,

Some parts I wish were done better by you...

So now that I am you,

I am happy thinking of what I can do...

It is called coming a full circle,

De ja vu...  De ja vu...

Again...

So here we stand face-to-face,

Dream-to-dream,

Clashing and snatching you from me,

Again...

You have that same look on your face,

Some silent complains,

Familiar hopes, fading smiles,

Again...

I'll have to fight these smiles,

Gotta run a mile,

Got to push you far,

Again...

'Cos, you ain't staying with me,

The evergreen loner walks free,

Lonely, but safe and free,

Again...