Monday, 27 February 2012

Happens with everyone..





I run,
So you follow me...
But you don't.


I wait,
So you come back to me...
But you won't.


I guess this happens with everyone,
Sometimes...
Magic of some moments,
Don't always last...


I danced,
So you would watch me...
But you didn't come.


I sang,
And poured my heart out...
Unheard, you didn't come.


I guess this happens with everyone,
Sometimes...
Tragic are some moments,
Emptiness lasts...


Sunday, 26 February 2012

Words with a photograph...



What are you thinking?
Sitting cozy in that picture...
Smiling at our past, spread around my present,
Lurking hesitantly before the unknown future...


Why are you still smiling?
What have you heard...
Did you peek into The great book?
Do you know the remaining letters to my words...


But, you can't tell me any of it, can you?
All those new things you have learnt...
But, you are up there with The big guy,
So do try and put in a nice word...


You sit frozen in some moment,
Perhaps that moment was good !
'Cos, I see you are happy now,
Although you're framed in wood...


Thursday, 23 February 2012

The finish line...



Is this the end of the race?
Is that the finish line?
I've been jogging for decades in circles...
Does this culminate the circle of my time?


Are those the boats I burnt?
Is that my broken bridge?
Sorry, I can't come home, momma...
'Cos to the fag end, I have reached.


Can I go up that hill one more time?
The one overlooking the lake?
Can I see his smile one more time?
And the rest, can I erase?


Minutes left to the finish...
My legs are growing colder.
I think of old friends and new ones...
And look up my shoulder.


Will they know that I have gone?
Or would they unknowingly move on?
How many would come for that last walk...
How many would miss me then on?


It has been a privilege...
To meet, to live and to know.
But now my time is up...
I have to go.



Tuesday, 21 February 2012

ये वक़्त भी गुज़र जायेगा... ( This time too, shall pass...)






आया है, ये जो अभी,
जायेगा भी, तो ये कभी ,
Ain't never easy to let go
But you still gotta learn it so...
Holding on to what you got
But ain't no fear of letting go...


May there be some detachment in every attachment
Some distance in every closeness...
A little 'me' in every 'us', you can fall back on
When there opens up, the single road of loneliness...


Sad when I'm happy
A little happy when I'm sad...
Thinking-
ये वक़्त भी गुज़र जायेगा 
Don't know why...
Don't know when...
Although it feels bad...
I know-
ये वक़्त भी गुज़र जायेगा



Monday, 20 February 2012

The morning coffee..





It's a new day today..
And I wonder on a coffee cup,
Who'll you be this day..
The coffee hot in the new white cup,
Will you wear the same smile as yesterday..
Will you hide behind it again..
Or will you feign a temper like you sometimes do..
And stomp away..


A new mask each day..
And my coffee sits unwanted on the table,
Which one today..
It loses its warmth , cold coffee on the table,
Someday..
Will you come to me without a face on your head..
Or..
Will you ever be the you, I know you are instead..


Oh! the coffee has gone cold,
Untasted , untouched, forlorn,
It goes down the drain,
Gotta make some again,
"Hey...Good morning, honey..
It's a new day today..."


Tuesday, 14 February 2012

Plans for this Thursday...



Do you have some time spare, God...
When are you free?
There are things i want to know...
Could you possibly meet me?


This Thursday...
Halfway into town.
There is this cafe i often go to...
And that's where i'll be found.


Waiting for You to come...
Wanting to talk.
I have questions i want answered...
Maybe, we could take a walk.


God, You have a busy job...
Trust me, i know.
But he said he was going to see you...
He didn't come back, where did he go?


Can You give me an address...
Or at least the number to his phone.
I want to talk to him ...
Tell him about my life, all alone.


I thought we had forever...
Of rains, fogs and snow.
But you called...
And he just had to go.


Where do i find him now...
Where have you taken him to.
Tell me ,God...
I want to know.


I want to show him my new books...
Listen to some old story.
Water his favourite plants with him...
Long walks and some wise philosophy.


Or maybe You could come to my place...
This Thursday.
Bring him along...
And perhaps let him stay.


So, this Thursday...
Is 10.30 too soon?
I'll be waiting...
Be seeing you soon.



You !



Smile,
Be a better version of you...
Everyday,
Grow into someone new...


Seeds of yesterday,
Will be a mango tomorrow...
So everytime you eat,
Remember to sow...


Go out,
Do something new...
Be with someone,
Who likes you for you...


And then make it a notch better,
By becoming a better you...
Smile,
Be a happier version of you...



Monday, 13 February 2012

Little perfects..




Told myself so many times,
That this ain't not what I thought...
When the sweet dreams eventually move on,
In reality, I get caught...


'Could have been' is a long list,
Which I add to every day...
'Have been's are an occasional paycheck,
That somehow happened to come my way...


So here I sit all calm yet shifty,
On the edge of a great knife...
I sit lonely on the big pile,
Of little perfects of my life...


Saturday, 11 February 2012

To a monster..



You came, you saw and took
Whatever it was that you wanted..
You smirked, turned  and walked out
But you left someone haunted..



How can you live with yourself?
How can you sleep at night?
You have blood on your hands, blood in your soul..
Blood from the heart of a child.


Friday, 10 February 2012

The dusty road of nostalgia..



Footsteps down a dusty road,
The one I walked so many times before.
Smiling at the surge of nostalgia,
I happened to walk right into your door.


It is strange how soon I thought I forgot,
What my feet even yet hadn't.
I wish I could say that I have changed,
But the truth is that I haven't.


Yes, you were mean and your heart is cold,
And you have done awful things to me.
But love has always been my middle name,
And forgiveness is hence, easy.


And so back on that street,
In front of your place,
I stood staring at your door.
While my hands found a way,
To lift and knock,
My eyes were still locked to the floor.


When they finally rose,
My eyes- they met.
A totally different face.
You weren't there,
You had gone,
Away from that old place.


A piece of me was happy,
At not having to see you at that spot.
Another was sad for the same reason,
And a piece said- at least I tried while you had not.


Footsteps down the same dusty road,
The very one I had walked so many times before.
Thinking of what I would have said,
If you had been there on the other side of the door.




Five minutes of your time, is all I ask,
For old  time's sake, if you please.
There is something on my mind that I want to say,
And then, I'll leave you in peace.


Leaving a wound open rots it,
Its not what anyone would do.
And so is the abyss in our relation, friend,
It's an old remedy, nothing new.


Before the lights had dimmed out,
Before the raged cacophony.
I remember a ring of laughter,
A lot of trust and harmony.


I will remember you as smile I wore,
Ages and ages ago.
The pain and the hurt were a nightmare,
I have forgotten and so should you.


Saying so I would have turned and walked
On that nostalgic dusty road.
Walking away for once and for all
From you and from your door.


Thursday, 9 February 2012

The Valentine's Day Rose..


When:      Many years ago.. around this time of the year.
Where:    A girl's hostel, (where most stories like this often begin!)
What:      A crumbled ball of paper found in the terrace of e-wing, unwantedly floating around a simmering  pile of fresh ash.... meticulously opened by a curious " Some girl " only to find the following, scribbled away-

"Could this be happening,
What have I just found?
My feet is staggering
My head is spinning around...


Was it your smile for me,
Or that coffee in the cup ,
The earth's floating down below
And I am up.


Up, where you took me
Higher than I've been at all
Frightened at a bottomless pinnacle
For it could be a steep fall


Maybe, it is a leap of faith
That is why they 'fall'
The thing that just happened to me,
Love is what its called."


"Some girl " looks further around.. Finds some half burnt letters and cards... dried up flower petal... charred ribbons... Did someone just break up? Who? Ms. One-guy-per-day or Ms.I-can-get-any-boy-any-day or someone else? Someone genuinely serious? 'Cos that would be sad..


"Some girl " smiles, eases off the creases and carefully folds up the almost-crumbled-poem paper and places it neatly inside her book.


Nope, this is not the story of that poem or of the person who wrote it.


This is the story of "Some girl "...


Back in her room, with the book back in the shelf.... she is walking towards the hostel mess for an early dinner. The crackling cool February breeze whistling through her hair, she walks the 'road of self-pity'.... why so? Because all the way to the mess, she keeps bumping into girls with roses,chocolates, teddy bears and what not... courtesy some love-struck boyfriend and you know girls.... they LOVE talking about it! "Some girl " was not that lucky... This year too, like every year before, there would be no roses. Maybe "A" boy will call her.. "R" is busy, but he may drop in a message. But, no roses. Definitely, no chocolates. And teddy? No chance in the next hundred moons...


So there she walked, feeling all sorry for herself... Running into the mess door unseeingly and sitting throughout dinner with an awkward silence hanging like a guillotine over her head.. 


The cook of the mess ( a very friendly old lady, married with two kids, bless her! and always in a cheerful mood) was a bit taken aback by this new avatar of "Some girl ". What has burst her perennial bubble of enthusiasm and joy?


So, she asked- " Ben ( she calls every girl that, means-sister) what happened?"


Answer- "Tomorrow is Valentine's day. I have my last exam of the semester that day. In the afternoon, when I walk out of that examination hall, every girl I know will be getting a red rose, except me. They will all go for a movie and I will come back to this deserted hostel mess to the food that is left for me and eat it in a pitiful silence. The price I pay for being a good girl. Absolute lack of company on Valentine's day." 


Cut to the next day..


When:     Valentine's Day ( of course! )
Where:    The very same hostel mess


It was just as predicted. A lonely walk back to hostel and an eerie all pervading silence. She was probably the loneliest girl in the planet for at least those 20 minutes down the de ja vu-ious "walk of self pity". She pushed at the half shut mess door and left it ajar. Pulled up a stainless steel chair. Dropped her bag carelessly to a side and then, she saw it... A scene in front of her two myopic eyes, swinging funnily between what she expected and what couldn't possibly be.


A plate full of food.....................expected.
Covered with another plate.......... also expected
A stone on top of that second plate.......possible
A pristine red rose with its stem pressed under the said stone.... now, that couldn't be!


She touched the petals a couple of time... Pinched her arm and drank a glass of water to ensure that she was neither delusional nor dehydrated. 


When, both these possibilities got excluded, she plucked the courage to lift the stone and hold the rose she had asked for, unconsciously this valentine's day.. Who could it be? She looked around. Suddenly all happy... A secret admirer? Is someone hiding behind that door she just left ajar? Turned around 120 degrees and decided.... No! Then? Is someone going to call her cell right now and scream - "surprise! " What followed this rose? Hope sprung eternal.
She had to get her cell out of her bag. Now. 


She stood up and dropped the stone in the process and there rolled open a small chit of a paper which instantly answered all questions and shattered all her newly formed doubts and hopes-


"Hepy Velantine, Ben"


As of date, the single red rose remains pressed in the same book as the once-crumbled-poem paper... Both together as a memory of an almost-velantine-day and in anticipation of company on some other Valentine's day...





Dearest Prince Charming ,




Hey, you...
Don't you know me?
I'm Cinderella...
In the wrong century!


You, yes, you...
Will you find me?
There is a seething crowd around...
And so many look like me!


Remember the day...
When we first met.
Light years ago...
But I haven't forgotten yet.


There were fairies and a pumpkin...
And a chariot and a gown.
We danced at the royal ball...
In front of the whole town.


There was one less person...
Walking the earth that night.
'Cos you and me and our hearts...
Were forever more entwined.


But, here I am today...
Waiting at the door.
Without my own fairy...
Cold and all alone.


With so many people...
Yet on my own.
Nobody to read my mind for me...
I sit and talk alone.


Maybe, you're too caught up...
In another zone of time.
And maybe like me waiting...
Till the end of time.


But hey, you...
You're with me.
If not now...
Then in another century!
Where there will be sunshine...
And many a fairy!
Maybe not here...
In another century!


Yours forever, Cinderella.


For- All those who believe in true love and to the Valentine spirit!

Tuesday, 7 February 2012

In plain sight



Caught myself laugh stupidly,
At myself some time before.
Not long later a tear flowed,
Right out of my soul.


I am going over and over,
The things that you just said.
Can't believe it's happening,
But my ghosts were just put to rest.


For years my heart had been marooned,
With a 'no return' board.
It went there when the days were happy,
And stayed there when you went cold.


But I am back now thanks to you,
I came back just last night.
I am a picture of completion standing,
In plain sight.



Saturday, 4 February 2012

On the other side of my story...


This is me...
This is my story.
Little regrets...
Dreams and glories.


I know its bitter parts...
I've lived its leaps and falls.
And boy, it's been quite something...
Having been through it all.


Sometimes lost, sometimes fought...
Some have stayed, some have not.
Could I have a peek into the other side...
To know what more I've got.


On the other side of my story...
Where will I be and with whom.
Will there be tacit changes...
Or will I still be in this room.


Will you still be my smile...
Everyday.
Or like many others...
Move away.


Will it last...
Or will it pass.
I wanna know...
Fast.


On that other side of my story...
Are you there.
A friend, a hope, a light...
With me, somewhere.


Will it last...
Or will it pass.
I would know...
Last.


This is me...
This is my story.
Little regrets...
Dreams and glories.



For thousand, thousand years...



I've seen it break hearts all over,
It's a great mimic in play...
With one hand it can give so much,
Which it some day takes away...


I tell myself all the time,
That you can't miss something you don't know...
So I skip the old train and sit at home,
And lay down listening to the radio...


I don't want to build a new fire,
Don't want a temporary gain...
I can do without new choices,
Want to stick to the plans I've made...


Why have this long a discussion?
It's a short ride, anyway...
No second turns, no repercussions,
I can go on my own, all the way...


So, don't take my name...
Don't ask me again...
My mind is made, firm and clear.

I don't want to fall in love with you...
For thousand, thousand years.



Thursday, 2 February 2012

Can you ?


                                                         


Old friend, I still see you...
I am still so much around.
I'm not gonna practice on you...
The hurts you taught me about.


I am not gonna run off either...
Not that kind of girl.
I'll be as low as you have pushed me...
And end up bringing up pearls.


But still at times I wonder...
If it's possible for you.
To take back some things that happened...
If not all, then at least a few.


Un- break my heart for me...
Un- use my time.
Un- do the loses...
Can you un- touch my life?


Could you un- crush my trust in love...
Could you un- close the door.
Un- break my heart for me...
Can you un- be my cure?